Christian and Struggling with Depression
It’s definitely almost been a month since I last posted. I tried to stay on schedule but monkey wrenches were thrown my way. Today’s post is a bit difficult to share. Not because I’m embarrassed or anything like that, but because writing about it makes me think about the topic of depression and it’s not a fun one.
How can I be a Christian and still struggle with depression? The answer is simple. I’m human. Just because I struggle with depression doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist and that prayer doesn’t work, but I do want to talk about the misconception that prayer is the only thing we need when we’re struggling. A few weeks ago my depression was BAD. Like really bad. It literally felt like a ton of bricks were on my body each day when the blaring sound of my alarm filled my room. I cried like I lost my puppy while feeling like I couldn’t get out of bed. It was quite scary. It never felt THAT heavy until a few weeks ago. At that point I knew I needed to seek professional help. There was no amount of prayer, devotion and reading scripture that could treat this heavy weight. And that’s ok. That’s why professionals exist. I didn’t have any feelings of self-harm, but I felt like I was spiraling out of control.
I wanted to share this because there is a huge stigma in the black community about mental illness. You are not “crazy” if you struggle with depression. Life is REAL! And sometimes the challenges in life begin to feel like they’re going to swallow you up and spit you out. Talk to someone! Do not keep it bottled inside. I kept my depression under-wraps for over a year until it finally exploded. I never ask for help. I deal with things on my own and plaster a smile on my face like I’m OK, but the truth is, sometimes I’m not. It’s a front. I don’t put the front on because I don’t want people to know I’m struggling. I just don’t want people feeling sorry for me. I’d rather cry it out in my room and then dry my tears and go on about my day. But, that way of living is horrible, and I’ve decided to stop. I’ve decided to talk about it when I feel depression setting in. I still pray and encourage myself in the Lord, but there is nothing wrong with believing God for you’re healing and breakthrough, while simultaneously seeking professional help for coping skills.
If you’re struggling in silence, I’m here for you sis! We’re in this together. You are strong. Depression is not weakness. Depression is my way of knowing I’m not perfect. No I can’t handle EVERYTHING, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t have to carry everything on my own (which is sooooo hard for me). But I’m learning that I will always feel overwhelmed and depressed if I don’t start asking for help.
Until next time! I will keep you all updated on my journey!