Are Men Stuck in Neverland?
Hey Queens! We're back from a two week vacation! Hopefully you didn't miss our posts too much. So, this post was totally unplanned, and it actually isn't even my day to post, but I had to give y'all some serious tea! As you can see, the title of this post is asking a question that too many of us women have been asking about men... Do they really never want to grow up? Plenty of men probably want to throw daggers at me after reading this, but all I have to say is that this has been my experience with a lot of men. I'm not saying that all men are stuck in an immature phase, but some are, so let's get into this tea!
So yesterday, I experienced a "date" from hell. Well maybe not hell, but it was super cringeworthy. I went out for frozen yogurt with a man I met a few days ago at a social that a friend and I attended. That day, we only conversed for about five minutes, so I couldn't really read him. A lot of times I can read a guy off the jump and know that I'm not going to give him my number, but this guy seemed cool; he seemed respectful, so I gave him my number. *PAUSE* Let me give you some quick background...I am known for being a bit shallow. I'll definitely admit it. It's not because I think I'm the best looking woman on the planet, but for me physical attraction is important and it's the first thing that kind of interests me in a man. However, God has been dealing with me about my shallow nature and he told me that I could be missing out on some great guys if I only look at the exterior during the first meeting. With this in mind, I looked past me not being physically attracted to the guy who asked for my number, but instead focused on how nice he seemed.
Fast forward a few days to yesterday when he asked me to meet up with him... So the beginning of this "date" was pretty cool. We discussed high school sports, college, occupation, etc. There were some awkward pauses, but everything seemed to be cool. Then all of a sudden he said "what else?" In my head I'm like "huh? I told you enough for a first date." So I go on to ask him what he meant and he said it again. At this point I'm just like "Dude, I just met you. Let's keep it on the surface." Plus I'm also known for being too much of an open book. I overshare and create emotional intimacy way too quick, so in order to curb that, I try to reveal little by little about myself. Everyone doesn't deserve to see my heart. OK, back to the date... so we decided to go on a walk after frozen yogurt and was hoping he would redeem himself, but before we headed to the lake, he told me that I can't be a blogger without an opinion. Now if you know me, you know I can't hide my facial expressions. I probably gave him the meanest side eye action LOL. But, I didn't want to assume that I understood him correctly, so I asked what he meant. This dude went on to say it again and I'm like "So just because I'm reserved I don't have an opinion? You haven't even asked me many questions so what would I have an opinion about?" At this point I'm like "Excuse me? bye boy!"
But, instead of being rude, I still went to the lake with him. We start walking around and then we finally find a bench. So I guess this is the part where he tried to pick my brain and see if I really had an opinion *side eye.* He asks me about my thoughts on Colin Kaepernick, Donald Trump, etc. and I gave him my honest opinion. I'm guessing it shocked him because he looked like he lit up a bit. *Don't judge a book by it's cover.* Anyways, we got into a conversation about introvert v. extrovert and I told him that I'm an introvert and enjoy being alone. He's obviously an extrovert and felt the need to make me feel like I was mentally ill. He said that it's not normal to want to be alone. So I was looking at this dude like "Dang. You're really painting me into the lady with 27 cats" LOL. Just because I'm an introvert doesn't mean I don't like being around people. I love people and I love company, but for the most part, I enjoy watching movies by myself.
Then we got into a conversation about partying, drinking, and smoking. He asked me if I drink and smoke and I said I drink wine, and I don't smoke but I used to (weed). THIS DUDE SAYS "OH NO VICES? YOU'RE JUST MISS GOODIE TWO SHOES HUH?" When I tell you I wanted to read him for filth!!!!!
But of course God allowed me to hold my tongue. I told him that just because I don't rely on vices, doesn't mean I'm perfect. After that, I checked out of the conversation. I was polite and kept answering questions when he asked, but that was a total turn off. He also mentioned that he parties a lot and that he'd rather date a former thot because she would have sexual experience. I wanted to puke. Oh, and he also told me that I wouldn't have fun in Vegas because I'm too "chill." Lets just say that he annoyed me and I have never been on a "date" where I've been so judged and lowkey insulted. The fact that he tried to make me feel bad for living for Christ is what really irked me, but I thank God for showing me his character so quickly.
So this is where the title of this post comes in... do men really want to stay young forever? This man is 30 and still worrying about turning up!! I'm only 23, so I would expect that by 30 you've retired the jersey, but I guess not. This has not only been my experience with GROWN men, but almost all my friends have experienced it and even older women that I know. That date lowkey discouraged me and of course that's exactly what the devil wanted, but God stepped in and reminded me that my Boaz is on his way. I just really thank God for discernment and helping me weed out the men who would ruin my life.
What are your experiences with men? Do you feel this way too? Men, is there a stigma against growing up and settling down?