A Response to "I Prefer Dating Outside My Race"

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As I began to think about the topic of today's blog post, I knew that it would come with a lot of controversy and disagreement from men and maybe even women too, but this is simply my opinion.  Please do not take offense to this blog post, but read this with an open mind.

Interracial dating and marriage has been the topic of discussion for many years now, but it has grown significantly in popularity over the past five years or so, because more and more people are dating outside of their race/ethnic group/nationality. I think it's a beautiful thing that love in a sense can conquer all. To me, love has no color, so that's not the problem. The problem is when men (specifically black men) turn away from black women, and begin to exclusively date women who are not black because of stereotypes that have been in place since the social construct of "race" was born. In my opinion, this self-hate has often times been disguised as "preference." The excuse most black men use when they only date women outside of their race is that it's just their preference so it shouldn't be a big deal. My question is, where does that preference come from and why are all black women placed into the box of "not preferred?"

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It shouldn't be ignored that preference has a lot to do with subconscious thoughts, attitudes, and ideas that have been ingrained in us. Yes, you too! We all have certain biases about different types of people, and even if we don't think it effects the way are attracted to people, it does. As a black woman, I have my own attitudes about black men even though I love black men. Some of it is based on experience, but some of it is based on what the media feeds us and what society has sort of brainwashed us to think and believe about our own beautiful, black men. I can admit that, but it seems like a lot of black men still have not acknowledged that the same is true for them. Let's talk about it!

In my opinion, preference gives off the vibe that all people outside of that box or label are simply just not attractive to you. This is the reason why so many black women take offense when black men say they prefer to date non-black women. It's like a slap in the face. It's like being dismissed before being seen. We feel like black men are supposed to protect us from a world that already makes us feel inferior. But the crazy thing is that even though many black women have their own negative connotations of black men, majority of us still love black men and only date black men. It's like an undying loyalty, but it's one-sided. I mean think about it... how often do you  hear female rappers or singers talk about dating foreign men or bragging about a white man like he's the most prized possession? I don't think I've ever heard that, but it's a different story for black men in the music industry. It's like a black woman is basic and boring in 2017. She's not as exciting as the foreign women who may or may not have fake bodies that resemble the bodies that many black women naturally have.

To make things worse, the pool of black men is so shallow that you can walk, skip and jump in it. A black man is either incarcerated, gay, married, or simply not checking for black women. So what does that leave us with? Maybe a handful of potential suitors for millions of black women? And that undying loyalty I mentioned earlier is real. It's like no matter how much black men may reject us, we still have hope that we'll find an amazing black man; while a lot black men don't operate with the same loyalty, although their moms, sisters, aunties and cousins are black women.

So what's the solution? I don't have the answers Sway! But I will say that it would be great if black men who prefer other women would recognize that they do for a reason and fight for us even if they happen to be dating or married to a woman who is not black. The younger generation of men need to see and hear that black women are beautiful and desirable, no matter how much we seem to be devalued.  As for black women I would say, continue to support our black kings, but don't beg for their validation! If a man who is not black will love you the way you need to be loved, go for it!

XO, Jess