How To Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
Sister to Sister can I tell you how annoyed I am by this generation? Does that sound harsh? LOL. Well, maybe it's the Sagittarius in me, but I don't know how to be any other way than straight-up, no chaser. To elaborate more... I'm just over how society and social media has ruined relationships. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, but I'm talking about platonic relationships as well. Everything is so drama-filled and thirsty for a "story-line" that nothing is real anymore. It's like we've become so obsessed with dysfunction, that we don't even know how to operate or appreciate a healthy relationship. Where's the loyalty, honesty, and commitment these days? It's a joke.
It's like a never-ending cycle that we just have not learned from. I was guilty too. I thought that doing the same things would somehow equal a different result. WRONG! I was falling right into the trap of dysfunction, time and time again. It was like the movie "Get Out." Every time I tried to escape, I was sucked back in; until I decided to do things differently. Now I'm no expert, but I've come up with a list to help you break the cycle of unhealthy relationships. Whether you're tired of being cheated on time and time again, or if you've given up on loyal friendships, this list can lend a helping hand.
- KNOW YOUR WORTH! Too many of us simply don't know our worth. We say we do, but always seem to find ourselves settling for less. You shouldn't come with discounts. You are royalty! When you know your worth, there are just certain things you WILL NOT accept.
- Change your mindset. The mind is POWERFUL! More powerful than we give it credit. You can't expect to make changes, if your mind isn't made up that you won't accept the things from your past.
- Cut people off who don't add value to your life. Do you have people in your life that buzz negativity in your ear every moment they can? Cut them off! Is your man constantly stressing you out, arguing with you, and preventing you from being a better you? Leave him in the dust honey.
- Stop entertaining folks you are unequally yoked with. "Can two walk together unless they agree?" Amos 3:3. This goes for friendships too. If you're constantly surrounding yourself by people who are not encouraging you in your walk with God or just in general, let them go! You can't expect to grow in spiritual maturity if you're always hanging around babes in Christ or non-believers who could care less about if your soul makes it to Heaven. I'm not saying that you shouldn't hang out with babes in Christ, but challenge yourself and strive to gain more wisdom.
- Pray for discernment. A lot of our relationship fails could've been avoided if we would have just went to the Father FIRST. But we don't want to surrender every area of life to God. We'd rather do what we want, choose the wrong spouse for us, and then end up brokenhearted. If you just ask, God will give you discernment. You can spot a counterfeit spouse or friend in an instant.
- Stop giving husband benefits to boyfriends. If I could go back in time, this would definitely be the one thing I would change. I spent so much time giving my ALL to guys who I wasn't even supposed to be with. If a man is getting everything he would get if he married you, why would he go the extra mile? Then some of you wonder why he won't commit and you have been with him for a decade. A man who is serious about pursuing you would put a ring on it.
- Throw out the world's view of "relationship goals." The world's way of doing things will lead you straight to the pits of hell. It's absolute garbage. The world tells us that we should test drive the car before purchasing it, that cheating is acceptable, and that relationships and marriage are simply about happiness. These celebrities should not be people we aspire to be. The true example is Christ. Why do we want a man who can buy us bags and shoes, but a man who prays for us and loves us like 1 Corinthians 13 is corny? We've got it twisted. The real relationship goals are sprinkled in the Book of Life.
- Plan ahead. I know life doesn't always pan out the way we would like it to, but I think that it's important to put positivity into the atmosphere and speak things into existence. Write down a list of husband non-negotiable qualities. I'm not talking about a superficial list that includes height, weight, eye-color, build, etc. All of those things will fade away, but what do want his heart to look like? How do you want him to love you, etc. For example, my top two non-negotiable qualities are a man who is after God's own heart (a true man of God/leader), and a man who loves me unconditionally.
- Never settle for just being a girlfriend or a sidechick. The devil is a sneaky little fella. He's gotten so many women to believe that being a wife is nothing to aspire to be because he wants to ruin the covenant of marriage and the family structure. You are worth so much more in the eyes of God. You are his bride, so why can't an earthly man step up and make the commitment? Do not settle for second place. A real man would never have you fighting over him, and a real man doesn't bring confusion into your life. God will send you your own man, so stop lowering your standards by sleeping with someone else's.
- Finally, please stop letting these good-for-nothing men have access to your body. Now you're a single mom with no help from the father. A woman's intuition is keen. You know when something isn't right, so run for the hills! Stop staying in these baby mama situations. If he's not going to make an honest woman out of you, leave him alone! Don't even waste your time. We've got to stop opening our legs to men we wouldn't want our sons to be like. Then we wonder why we have generational curses of deadbeat fathers. It's because women choose these knucklehead men to carry on a legacy that is trash.