Stuck in the "I Don't Understand"
Hey Queens! Happy Monday! I pray that you've had a positive start to your week.
On Saturday, I went on a nature walk with my Debs in Christ mentees. It was cold, but the experience was quite peaceful. As I walked through the trail covered with vibrant orange, yellow and brown leaves, I began to ponder about my current life situations. My mind particularly went to a situation that confused me terribly. Last week I had prayed and released it to God, but I was stuck in the "I Don't Understand" part. As any other perfectionist/lowkey rejection fearmonger, I kept playing the situation in my head over and over again. Did I do something wrong? Is this my fault? Why God? If only I had an explanation... that would calm the anxiety inside of me.
I couldn't figure out why something God had promised me wasn't coming on my time and in my terms. Have you ever felt like God presented the promise to you, only to kind of take it away before fully giving it to you? That's what happen to me. It was within my grasp and then it vanished. I immediately started blaming myself. It had to be MY fault. On this nature walk, I just kept asking God WHY? I really wanted to understand what I couldn't, and probably am not meant to understand. All of a sudden I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). I felt a sense of peace fall upon me and the Holy Spirit continued to talk. He told me to stop worrying and stop trying to figure out every little detail, and to let Him do the work. That's when I let go of my obsession with understanding and interpreting every nuance.
If God has promised me something, no man can take that away. Why should I worry or be anxious? (Philippians 4:6) Easier said than done though, especially when you can be a bit of a control freak in your head. I say all of this to encourage someone that may be struggling because they don't understand what God is doing. The truth is, often times, you won't get it at all. You'll want to say...
You'll feel totally out of control, but that's when God works on your behalf in the most amazing ways. Keep trusting God! It builds tremendous faith.