Practical Dating Tips for the Millennial Woman

Queens,

Photo courtesy of Indiatimes.com

Photo courtesy of Indiatimes.com

Let’s just face it… Dating in today’s world is HARD! I know the struggle all too well even though I’m married now. I struggled with dating for four years before I met my husband. With social media on the rise, the lack of family structure, and a generation that doesn’t have relationships with God, it can be quite discouraging. It seems like most men AND women don’t want commitment anymore. Either they’ve been heartbroken and cheated on, or they just have no desire to get married. If marriage is not something you desire, that’s totally fine, but if you do, keep reading!

Here are some practical tips to help you have a successful dating journey.

1. Make a list

This might seem cliche, but your list is a guide to help you decide which guys to trash or to keep communicating with. Your list should have two parts: Non-negotiable qualities/characteristics and things you want but can live without. The non-negotiable list should not include physical attributes. Obviously you want to be attracted to your potential spouse, but save that for your wants. God might send you everything you NEED in man who is 5’8 instead of 6’2. Examples of non-negotiable qualities can be: relationship with God, loyal, trustworthy, family oriented, etc. Examples of wants can be: creative, athletic build, makes six-figures, tall, etc. Wants are important, but everything on your wants list is not going to appear. The character of your man is more important than his body type. Looks and nice bodies fade, but character is everlasting.

2. Hold Men to a Standard

Let a man you are interested in pursue you and hold him to a standard. If you require consistency, call him out when he’s slacking. I’m not saying curse him out, but let him know that you want to communicate everyday. If he can’t give this to you, drop him. No need to waste time. Do not cut men slack just because you like him and he’s fine.

3. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries

This goes hand-in-hand with number two. After three dates you should let a man know exactly what you desire. If you want marriage and children, say that. Do not agree to go with the flow or say whatever happens, happens. NOPE! Let this man know your expectations so he can either exit stage left or step his game up. Within the first few conversations with my husband I let him know that I was celibate and that I was ready for marriage. I didn’t come on strong and make him feel forced. I left the ball in his court, but I was clear, open and honest. My next point is boundaries. Set them. If you want to save yourself for marriage, let your man know that and then make sure you are doing things such as getting off the phone at a certain time, not sleeping in the bed together, etc. if you want to stick with your commitment.

4. Stop “Talking”

Look, you are not a teenager anymore. If you want a relationship with traction, the talking phase should not last years. I suggest 2-3 months. Everyone’s situation is different. If you don’t know whether or not you would like to move forward with who you are talking to after a few months, my guess is you don’t. If he isn’t making the relationship official, move on sis. And please don’t fall for the “I don’t do titles” speech. If he doesn’t even want to be your boyfriend, he definitely doesn’t want you to be his future wife.

5. Ditch the Friends with Benefits

If you want something serious, ditch this “friend.” Very rarely do hookup buddies turn into husbands. Stop wasting time. You know this guy is not ready for anything serious, so why are you giving your precious goods to him?

6. Forfeit Sex

Photo courtesy of The Student Printz

Photo courtesy of The Student Printz

If you don’t want to go fully celibate, that’s your personal choice. But I suggest you wait until you have observed enough about this man to trust him with your body. Have many conversations and count the red flags before you open your legs. If he’s on the fence about a relationship, but you think he’s a good guy it’s still a no. Commitment is what you want girl, not just a guy that takes you out and breaks you off.

7. Accept Social Media/Dating Sites

As a millennial, you just have to accept that you just might meet your husband online. I know, I know… it’s not romantic at all, but these are just facts. We spend more time on our phones, and let’s face it, the days of meeting your prince charming in the grocery store are over. You probably have your groceries delivered anyways LOL. Meeting someone online is not always a bad thing. Just make sure you actually meet in person within about two months of talking online. Y’all know Catfish run rampant on the internet. I even met my husband online.

8. Seek God First

Stay in prayer whenever a potential guy attempts to pursue you. Remember the enemy hears your prayers too! He will send you a counterfeit wrapped in a “good guy” ribbon, so beware. Let God lead you. If you ask, He will reveal whether or not the guy is for you. Be willing to listen and please don’t ask God after you have already slept with him. Your judgement is already clouded.

9. Be Patient

Be patient. Don’t give up. Your dating journey might take YEARS, but enjoy the ride. You’ll learn a lot about yourself during the process. It might seem like everyone is getting married and starting families around you, but stay focused. God will send your man when YOU are ready. Keep preparing yourself until then. Make sure you are whole and have healed up past hurts and traumas, because the next step (marriage) is challenging!

Need specific dating advice? Comment below or email me at redefinewoman@gmail.com

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